hi, i'm roselle
i've always been torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head, or keeping it to myself. the problem is, being outwardly unhappy pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen. i mean of course i have a couple of friends that i trust with the world, but there is only so much your friends can listen to. but on the other hand, to pretend everything is fine when it's really not is to lie to yourself from the inside out; to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have people thinking you are melodramatic or just seeking attention, or to drown in your own mind and live a lie? im not one of those people who are constantly depressed, i mean, im actually usually happy. either way, this is my story. this is where i can post exactly whats on my mind, and if you dont like it, if you think i'm pessimistic, or over-emotional, then i guess thats up to you.

you understand me. i love you. kquinnn* says:
*i know you like him alot & you can't just not like him, but look what this... look what HE is doing to you.
*like, hes making everything so difficult and so confusing to follow. he needs to make up his mind like he can't keep changing it because he gets kissed, or because hes with a certain person or because hes not with a certain person
*like honestly
*if his mind can change becuase of who hes around and what hes doing
*then hes just being fake & not being the real him and no ones gonna like him cos they wont know when its really him they are talking to. like you get it ?
roselle. says:
*yeah
kquinnn* says:
*like hes just being really sketchy
*like sometimes he acts like he cares , sometimes not. he likes you, sometimes not. like he cant decide who he likes more and then he'll be like "well if you kissed me first ?"
*like thats bullshit you like a girl or you dont
*& like this is making you upset, so he needs to stop.
roselle. says:
*i know.
*like now he seems like he's stopped and hes just settling with her
*but that kills me too.
*and its soo hard to still be his friend after he's hurt me so many times soo badly.
*but like, i want to be his friend
kquinnn* says:
*yee
roselle. says:
*like this is so fucking hard.
*cause i want him to be happy
kquinnn* says:
*but whats making him happy is ripping you apart
roselle. says:
*i know.
kquinnn* says:
*and hes making it as if he wants to be with you when hes not thinking about her, but when he is, he changes his mind
*like he needs to make up his mind
*and stick with it
*or hes gonna end up with no one
roselle. says:
*i know. she is going to leave him, and hes gonna come crawling back to me
*and i wont be waiting anymore

vulnerable. "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isnt it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor so that nothing can hurt you. But then one stupid person, no different than any other stupid person, walks into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didnt ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats away at you and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple as a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart kind of pain. I hate love."
- Neil Gaiman

apperently i get jealous easily :$ i dont know how i hold myself back from stabbing you multiple times in the chest every time i see you. i guess im just too nice.

everything you thought love would be. Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever recieve all of you. After that, you learn better. But most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the believe that love can really last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trail and error, that one kiss you'll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.

you confuse me. so i have come to the conclusion that i think too much.

i can survive it all. “i am not an unusual teenager. i’ve never been given an award for anything special or nominated for an important position. i’ve had my share of problems and like most teenage girls, spent countless nights crying over lost friendships, unrequited love and just everyday teenage stress.


one night i was watching a show on tv about an angel. the angel was trying to convince one of the characters not to kill himself. the man thought that dying was the easiest way out. i thought about how many times i have considered the same thing. i put my finger up to my pulse. a thought struck me: this is what will keep me alive. no matter how many breakups i go through, no matter how many times my “dream” soccer team rejects me and no matter how many times i can’t pull off my “i’m tough and don’t cry” attitude, that pulse will still be there. blood will still be pumped through my body. i can survive.

this isn’t to say that i will never think about quitting or never go through a day where all hope seems to be lost. but there is one thing i know for sure: in the times of greatest sorrow, or melancholy, or hopelessness, or lifelessness, i only need one finger to know that i can survive it all. the steady flow of my healthy, fourteen-year-old heart is the most comforting feeling in the world”