hi, i'm roselle
i've always been torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head, or keeping it to myself. the problem is, being outwardly unhappy pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen. i mean of course i have a couple of friends that i trust with the world, but there is only so much your friends can listen to. but on the other hand, to pretend everything is fine when it's really not is to lie to yourself from the inside out; to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have people thinking you are melodramatic or just seeking attention, or to drown in your own mind and live a lie? im not one of those people who are constantly depressed, i mean, im actually usually happy. either way, this is my story. this is where i can post exactly whats on my mind, and if you dont like it, if you think i'm pessimistic, or over-emotional, then i guess thats up to you.

they're not secrets anymore. 001. i have eighty secrets. don't tell anyone.
002. i thought boys were simple, but they're kinda not.
003. im afraid of falling in love.
004. im afraid of losing people.
005. im afraid of getting hurt.
006. im afraid of not being good enough.
007. im afraid of taking life for granted
008. im afraid of growing up.
009. im kinda afraid of a lot.

010. i remember pretending i was cold, so that you'd hold me.
011. i remember the past, and sometimes wish i didnt
012. i hate seeing people in love, because it makes me feel lonely.
013. i judge people.
014. i try not to , but i can't help it.
015. i wish i was litlte again. life was so much easier.
016. i don't give two shits if people think badly about me.
017. i refuse to change for anyone.
018. i draw on myself with sharpies
019. it makes me angry when guys treat girls like objects.

020. and when girls treat guys like objects too.
021. i don't believe i'm beautiful.
022. i hate it when beautiful girls think they're ugly, because i'd kill to look like them.
023. i don't hold grudges; i learn from past experiences.
024. i want to feel wanted.
025. i miss how we used to be.
026. don't let things happen to you. make an effort.
027. i wish i knew who really cares.
028. i overlook the little things.
029. im often misunderstood.
030. i am far from perfect.

031. i dont need amazing advice. i just need someone to listen.
032. sometimes i like being alone.
033. i think too much.
034. i hate being labeled.
035. if i work hard on something, and it doesnt turn out perfect, i get upset.
036. i hate wasted effort.
037. i hate doing anything that i know is pointess.
038. i've never really been 'in love'.
039. i don't fall for guys easily.
040. i just want to be accepted.

041. charlie brown makes me happy.
042. i want to feel beautiful.
043. i hate feeling left out.
044. i'd rather you be a bitch to me than be fake to me.
045. i don't give a fuck. i say whats on my mind.
046. sometimes i just sit alone and doodle in my notebook.
047. don't go through my notebook.
048. im afraid that one day i'll look back realize that i wasted my entire life.
049. he said he regretted every moment he spent with me.
050. i hope he was lying.

051. im afraid that no one will ever actually love me
052. i miss you.
054. i think i'm a good listener.
055. don't tell me you love me. SHOW me.
056. no one looks like the girls in the magazines.
057. i get caught up in the moment.
058. im a dreamer.
059. im only joking around, but im afraid of leading him on.

060. i secretly want to punch so many people in the face.
061. people used to joke and call me anorexic.
062. it wasn't really something to joke about.
063. i would risk my life for a friend.
064. i wish life had a rewind button.
065. i hate having restrictions.
066. when i say nothing's wrong... something's wrong.
067. i'll decide who i want to be.
068. i can't listen to that song anymore, cause it reminds me of you.
069. i hate seeing happy families, or happy couples.
070. i want to be happy too.

071. my friends are my everything.
072. knowing someone out there understands me means the world to me.
073. there is no such thing as perfection.
074. sometimes i think that someone could be reading my mind.
075. is that weird?
076. sometimes i wish i was pretty enough to turn heads.
077. i hate people who think they're amazing, but really arent.
078. im afraid of making the wrong decisions.
079. i never really got to know you, but i miss you.
080. i would give anything to be someones everything.

yum "lololololololololololololol
i totally just rubbed the keys there.
it was like masturbation."
- laura

i lol'd.

don't let her HAPPEN to you. go after her. " GO AFTER HER. FUCK, DONT SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HER TO CALL, GO AFTER HER, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, DONT WAIT FOR THEM TO GIVE YOU A SIGN CAUSE IT MIGHT NEVER COME, DONT LET PEOPLE HAPPEN TO YOU, DONT LET ME HAPPEN TO YOU, OR HER, SHES NOT A FUCKING TELEVISION SHOW OR TORNADO. THERE ARE PEOPLE I MIGHT HAVE LOVED HAD THEY GOTTON ON THE AIRPLANE OR RUN DOWN THE STREET AFTER ME OR CALLED ME UP DRUNK AT FOUR IN THE MORNING BECAUSE THEY NEED TO TELL ME RIGHT NOW AND BECAUSE THEY CANNOT REGRET THIS AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D BE THE ONLY ONE DOING CRAZY THINGS FOR PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER GIVE ENOUGH OF A FUCK TO DO IT BACK OR TO ACT LIKE IDIOTS OR BE ENTIRELY VULNERABLE AND HONEST AND MAKING SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IS EASY AND FLYING 3000 MILES ON FOUR DAYS NOTICE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING AND BREATHE INTO TELEPHONES IS NOT EVERYONES IDEA OF LOVE BUT IT IS THE WAY I CAN RECOGNISE IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I DO. GO SCREAM IT AND BE WITH HER IN MEANINGFUL WAYS BECAUSE THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND THAT IS GENEROUS AND THAT IS WHAT LOVING SOMEONE IS, THAT IS RAW AND THAT IS UNGUARDED, AND THAT IS ALL THAT IS WORTH ANYTHING, REALLY. "

i don't want a romeo. Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here!
Is Rosaline, whom thou didst love so dear,
So soon forsaken? Young men's love then lies
Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.
Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine
Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline!
How much salt water thrown away in waste,
To season love, that of it doth not taste!
The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears,
Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears;
Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit
Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet:
If e'er thou wast thyself and these woes thine,
Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline:
And art thou changed? pronounce this sentence then,
Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.
- Friar Lawrence , Romeo and Juliet

alright so you probably can't understand this so im gonna explain it.
Romeo said that he loved Rosaline. he talked about her like she was everything. he talked about how much he loved her, and cried when she was gone. now Romeo asks Friar Lawrence if he will marry him and Juliet, and talks about how much he loves Juliet.
" Young men's love now lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes "
hes saying that Romeo doesn't LOVE Juliet, or Rosaline. he just likes the way they look. i mean, how can you love someone you just met? Romeo barely knows Juliet. he's only talked to her once before, and he asks her to marry him. and he apperently just got over Rosaline, so how can he love someone so quickly? Romeo just bases his love on what a girl looks like. if Juliet didn't look good, Romeo would have never 'loved' her.
and "women may fall, when there's no strength in men".

this is why we get hurt. because we meet some guy and think he's our Romeo, but he ends up only liking us because we look good. or better yet, the guy we actually love goes for the girl that he thinks is the hottest. personality doesnt count. not in this world.
so just because we dont have playboy bunny looks, and we wont drop to our knees for you any time you want a little action, Romeo decides to go for someone a little hotter, like Juliet.

:) im in computer class, lol.

duncan is sitting behind me on some site thats like an asian version of farmville,
even though he cant understand the language.

i hate school.