hi, i'm roselle
i've always been torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head, or keeping it to myself. the problem is, being outwardly unhappy pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen. i mean of course i have a couple of friends that i trust with the world, but there is only so much your friends can listen to. but on the other hand, to pretend everything is fine when it's really not is to lie to yourself from the inside out; to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have people thinking you are melodramatic or just seeking attention, or to drown in your own mind and live a lie? im not one of those people who are constantly depressed, i mean, im actually usually happy. either way, this is my story. this is where i can post exactly whats on my mind, and if you dont like it, if you think i'm pessimistic, or over-emotional, then i guess thats up to you.

when all you wanted was to be wanted. "i can't set my hopes too high, cause every hello ends with a goodbye ."
- demi lovato

is it wrong to miss the past? to miss that connection you had with someone so long ago? she wants to be loved. she misses the feeling of loving someone, and being loved in return. she remembers that feeling, and it felt almost magical. it was the first time she'd ever felt this way, and now that she's looking back, she misses it. not the person, but the feeling of being loved. she loved him, and he loved her back... but it doesnt always happen that way. and even the fact that they once had such strong mutual feelings, and then just go their separate ways and never speak to eachother again?
everything she does reminds her of that feeling. every book she reads, every song she listens to, everything gets her thinking of how life used to be, when someone wanted her back.

she doesnt fall in love easily. she holds herself back. she doesnt want to fall for someone who doesnt catch her, because all she wants is that feeling. she's afraid of getting hurt. she doesn't want to be one of those girls who has a new boyfriend every two weeks. she wants real love, but she doesnt see it coming any time soon.

at times she even thinks it's never coming. that 'special guy' is never going to exist. maybe it just wasn't meant to happen.

without the feeling of being wanted, she feels empty.
she doesnt want to feel empty any more.