hi, i'm roselle
i've always been torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head, or keeping it to myself. the problem is, being outwardly unhappy pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen. i mean of course i have a couple of friends that i trust with the world, but there is only so much your friends can listen to. but on the other hand, to pretend everything is fine when it's really not is to lie to yourself from the inside out; to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have people thinking you are melodramatic or just seeking attention, or to drown in your own mind and live a lie? im not one of those people who are constantly depressed, i mean, im actually usually happy. either way, this is my story. this is where i can post exactly whats on my mind, and if you dont like it, if you think i'm pessimistic, or over-emotional, then i guess thats up to you.

when all you wanted was to be wanted. "i can't set my hopes too high, cause every hello ends with a goodbye ."
- demi lovato

is it wrong to miss the past? to miss that connection you had with someone so long ago? she wants to be loved. she misses the feeling of loving someone, and being loved in return. she remembers that feeling, and it felt almost magical. it was the first time she'd ever felt this way, and now that she's looking back, she misses it. not the person, but the feeling of being loved. she loved him, and he loved her back... but it doesnt always happen that way. and even the fact that they once had such strong mutual feelings, and then just go their separate ways and never speak to eachother again?
everything she does reminds her of that feeling. every book she reads, every song she listens to, everything gets her thinking of how life used to be, when someone wanted her back.

she doesnt fall in love easily. she holds herself back. she doesnt want to fall for someone who doesnt catch her, because all she wants is that feeling. she's afraid of getting hurt. she doesn't want to be one of those girls who has a new boyfriend every two weeks. she wants real love, but she doesnt see it coming any time soon.

at times she even thinks it's never coming. that 'special guy' is never going to exist. maybe it just wasn't meant to happen.

without the feeling of being wanted, she feels empty.
she doesnt want to feel empty any more.

that's not funny. " it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye,
it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
it's funny how forever never seems to really last,
it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.
it's funny how "friends" can just leave you when you're down,
it's funny how when you need someone, they're never around.
it's funny how people change and think they're so much better,
it's funny how many lies can be packed in one 'love letter'.
it's funny how people forgive, even though they can't forget,
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret.
it's funny how ironic life turns out to be,
but the funniest part of all, is that none of that's funny to me. "

you're NOT sorry. i dont wanna be that one friend that's always telling the other friend what to do. i dont want to come across as 'bossy' or whatever, cause i know i'm not. and i dont want to hate someone who might mean the world to my best friend. i'm just trying to look out for you. i know people like him. he lies to you, takes advantage of you, hurts you, and breaks your heart. then he decides to apologize, and ask for a second chance? i'm not one to hold grudges or whatever, but that kinda sounds like bullshit to me. i'm not saying no one deserves second chances, but he lied to you the entire time. does he deserve to be trusted again? how do you even know he's not lying when he says he's sorry? you dont.

i REALLY dont want to tell you who you can and can't like. because i know you can love whoever you want, and i know that either way, if it works out im gonna be happy for you, and if it doesnt, im gonna cry with you. whether i approve of the guy or not. because i know what it feels like to love someone. i want to be the best friend i can be, but that gets hard when we disagree.
 i just dont want your heart to get broken again. and if he DID end up hurting you again, you know i'd be the first one to plot out an evil plan to destroy him; no big deal . (:

its alright if you still like this guy, but im GLAD you like the NEW guy more. i know be wont lie to you. i know you can trust him. and i know he actually likes you this time. so yeah . good choice.